I think everyone in life goes through this feeling of getting jaded. Sometimes life tests you so much .. you become stronger and calmer .. because priority of things come into perspective. Life was always meant to be lived alone .. it always was your battle. Very naively I always looked for myself in others .. it's almost the same reason why I could empathize so quickly.
After going through struggles I find that even though I always had the option to be independent .. I always chose to be a slave to love .. and it made me dance in ways I never could fathom ..
After probably 10years of chasing love brainlessly I've come to understand .. love does exist .. not in overdramatic ways .. believe me .. I've experienced that as well .. (the funny part was - it didn't feel real). I don't know , my husband told me his ex gf always sensed him down in the dumps and always happened to call him then .. more like telepathy or something. Now coming to think of it more logically .. I think at the back of his mind he always missed her which is why she "always" happened to call at the right moments.
How about love being nothing but pure co-existance? ... That sounds a bit too simple ? Or ... Is it ?
I indeed grew up in the most comfortable life .. just that I was drenched in self esteem issues which literally blinded me, instead of appreciating my life. So yeah .. I grew up with the goal to find "my love" .. cos I think it was the rosiest picture ever. It stirred my thoughts about life itself. It meant everything.
Even if the whole world would've screamed that I was wrong .. im pretty sure I wouldn't have got it. I'm so head strong. I can literally argue or choose not to argue with anyone on the face of this planet .. except for "my love"
I don't if it helps to say I think I was so good I would've pursued becoming a lawyer. ( I didnt cos... My mum somehow convinced me I would get raped cos she sensed I'd be outspoken) .. yet today with the ones I love .. I literally hear every single sentence I am about to speak and change it almost 30 percent of the times cos I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else even in the minutest way.
So yes, back to the topic- Im just not the kind to learn from other's experience .. cos for me .. I always believed in miracles and supernatural .. my faith in my dreams were too strong to be shaken by someone elses' realities.
Soon I learnt... What mental picture I drew of love sounded good only on the 70mm screens. Something you only hear about but is far from reality.
It took me 10years to understand .. it was always going to be me. I was the real run away bride who had to identity of her own .. who amalgamated into the interests and personality of the prospective love or love.
In these many years I tried my best to hang onto my out of this world fantasies .. but the more I hung on to them the more I'd feel the burn in my hand trying to hold onto these dreams. I tried hanging on with nothing more than 1 hand for so long .. finally my hand started to slip , with the weight of my dreams just weighing me down. I put the mightiest struggle to keep my head up above the worldly adulterated ideas of love.
And then.. I let go .. of my fantasies. I started seeing what was around me .. instead of yearning for something bigger and better I accepted that sans the fantasies I can still be happy .. even though that was my only goal since I was a kid.
I love the little things in life ... I always have .. I have accepted that there's no greater love than co-existance. It's not easy .. why else did India even split into India and Pakistan ? Everyone goes through the difficulties of life... We shouldn't expect everyone to have the same perspective as us. Just this reminder every moment of every day will make the whole planet a more happier place- cos mostly problem arise from this thought - "if I were in your place I wouldn't have stepped out of line OR if I were in your place I would've easily completed the said assignment OR I wouldn't have made such a fuss over this thing because it doesn't matter to me as much"
Why else do we fight ... Cos you share the same opinion ?- NEVER!!! We all were designed differently .. we all hail from different backgrounds which greatly influences our behaviours and lives today. The best you can make of this situation is to love one another WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. just love.
You don't need to know how to stretch out your hands and sing like shahrukh Khan .. you don't need to kill people to show your loyalty .. (9/11) ..you don't need to rub it in the other's face how much you've done for them . .. love was always meant to be positive .. I was fixated with the supernatural powers of love instead of actually enjoying the joys of the simplicity of love.
Love is so simple .. you miss the person .. you think about them .. you wish well for them .. you try to convey to them the things you think might cause a problem to them .. that's it . You must avoid comparison.. comparing what you would do in place of the other person sometimes can create distances. You both were and are different. Love can turn into a thunderstorm when you overly think .. I think this is true in 90 percent cases.
Without the drama and expectations .. life is sailing smooth :) and yes happily.
