random heart pangs !

I wanted somthing to happen tonight .. the dark starstudded night so beautiful above .. the gentle breeze .. the chirp of crickets..the shady places .. wid no mention o the humans.. it was all calling you .. it was .. i waited .. my moment o bliss ..childlike admiration toward teh diamonds that set the sky alive .. i blushed at the blow o the gentle breeze tickling my bare neck.. nature only grew fonder of me .. and i of it .. as we continued to live in the moment .. the night was with me .. and i waited .. searching the shadows.. with only one hope .. that i'd hav a glimpse .. o reflection.. o u .. dats all i needed .. dat was what i pleaded for .. hopelessly.. ponderin on all those supernaturnal things .. that happen to a lucky few.. i wished it had happened wid me .. tonight .. reality crept in .. my fantasies .. bein killed by my own conscience .. what else could i do .. but cry? i wished you could be there .. to deceive reality.. the shimmering stars .. the breezes' whispers.. the crickets playful chirps .. the sway of the plam leaves .. made me sense .. the presence of you .. then a sense o understandin .. strange sense o pride shone onto me .. we did make it passed the brutal calculated reality.. the night was with me .. the night was with us .. this long night was ...

the circle of understanding

Remember when you were a baby and your mommy and daddy did every little thing for you .. Even make your decisions.. Well ofcourse most of you dont remember when you were a baby .. But thats exactly what happened. When you grow older your cognitive senses start playing. By this time you are 6months old .. By the time you are two you wouldve understood a lot of things about your lifestyle and your parents .. If you have a routine or not.. Which parent is the one you can fool around with .. And which one not to mess with.. And things like that. By this time you may or may not have fully developed your verbal skills. So now you are older .. Still pristine hearted .. Finding things like poop, gfs and bfs a very peculiar topic .. Something you'd like ignoring to discuss cos of the sheer disgust you have in these subjects. Then you enter this age of questionning and phase of over curiosity .. Where sex related information is seeked from whichever source possible .. So engaging this new idea is .. So many things to learn .. So many things to notice .. Not to mention so many things to cope with (yeah with all the voice breakin and chums !) This stage is a long longgg stage .. There are several other things that play big part in this stage .. Imagination and the other is reality ! Not only that .. You also have to keep up with a supposed friends circle ..which by now you shouldve well established. And then on top of all this you gotta shove down studies too !! No school believes enough in a much needes subject as moral science and sex education and psychology. Its but obvious that India as a country cannot take much credit to being a noble state. So where else do you train young minds to think morally right ..? Anyway so next comes the chamber choosing phase.. Choose may it be Arts , Commerce au Science.. Well its just so understood that someone whos really smart gets into Science "automatically" and if he doesnt meet the cut off .. He then "chooses" commerce .. And "apparently" if you are no good you get into Arts. This is the Indian understanding at large .. Which is whole lotta rumbling crap ! Anyway .. To my knowledge and experience whoever chooses to be in whichever stream .. By one's own choice has prospered 100fold as compared to the blind sheep. I know so many schoolmates who've found success in Arts of all kinds - be it dance, disgning clothes etc. As compared to just one girl i know who won some award for a petroleum related study in US. So yeah, thats one big decision down. Next, that wandering heart ..skips a beat everytime you see that him or her .. Theres something you gotta do ! Ummm .. Lets try asking politely .. You work up the nerve to walk towards him/her to tell with full conviction how much he/she means to you. You walk up all cold and sweaty .. For some reason .. For the first time in your life you can actually hear your heart beating ! He/she politely lets you down .. Right at that spot you feel this wave of shame and stupidity bath you entirely. You kinna run outta there .. And get back to collecting the broken pieces of that heart. Its takes some time .. But you learn to move on .. To better .. More suited hims and hers perhaps. So you ask her/him .. Knowing that this hasnt actually worked in your favour before.. But then you reach an understanding to risk it all for the slightest opportunity of a mutual agreement .. And snap ! That glorious day is here .. You found your wings.. You start to soar .. Its finally happening like all those movies you've been watchin.. Its life .. And its love ! Love is comparatively a small word .. But the whirpool of feelings it contains in it are simply spectacular .. You start worshipping this love . Thats who we naturally are as human beings - worshippers. Even the aethist worship..well ofcourse themselves ! So worship is a truly engaging activity .. Even when its intangible .. The thought still persists in your head ..making it almost as good as tangible. Yeah, many people get veryy carried away in their self created bubble of love worship and happiness that reality skips their eye.

creation

It takes me very long to finish any art project i take up ... For instance .. I had this pot i was painting .. For the bf ..but by the time i had finished it .. He had broken up with me .. It was so easy to just pick it up and slam it down to the ground .. Watch it break .. As for some reason .. The more i could hurt or break things around me the more normal i felt .. It was REALLY difficult .. However i managed to save this pot .. The art work i think looked great for my style .. Its so easy to break things .. Doesnt even take much effort unless you wanna do it in style ! .. However creating ... Weaving .. Is so so time consuming .. I remember wanting to destroy everything during this break up .. Cutting myself .. Staying head lower than body for many hours so finally my head will explode .. Thinkin if id survived even after all this id wanna just pour acid all over my face .. So no one will ever like me. I feel terrible for having these thoughts cos iv seen how people who really go through these things are .. And its such an insult to want to voluntarily be like them .. Esp when they would have it any other way other than that .. That too.. They obviously didnt want to be in that state .. After so many years it hit me .. God has created us with so much care and effort and time ! .. And we in the spur of the moment want to throw it all away .. Thats such an insult to him .. And his creation .. Lifes gonna be tough .. Unreasonable ..however .. Remember you are God's creation .. In Him you have hope .. And even though theres darkness. . Theres light lurking there somewhere in the cracks of the dark night ..

hes got the look ..

Well i was just driving back home in heavy traffic when this incident just humbled me to the extent of making me cry .. To your surprise it took nothing but just one look .. So i was at this turning ..and i as any other driver am always in a rush.. So im like in that mood of rumbling constant abuses to those being an obstacle .. Mostly of the nonsensical kind . However, at this particular turning .. This very young chap on his cycle was peddling away.. And in my mood of dun give a crap about anyone else and jus abusing anyone who'd cause the slightest of hinderance .. I turned to start abusing this young lad .. Thats when i got the look .. It was absolutely nothing .. All i could see is a helpless boy trying to reach somewhere .. With ofcourse not the most convinient means of transport .. Obviously its difficult to pedal around n a slope in heavy traffic when everyone treats you like you are a complete pain in the *ss. It then struck me .. Is it his fault hes poor? .. Is it his fault hes got no better means of transport ? And just because i do .. Does that give me the right to be blatantly rude to him ..? Just cos of this damn thing called money that defines our toys and our classes .. Is it right to take the less fortunate for granted ?... He did nothing .. He just waited.. Looking simply.. As i overtook him .. My road rage melted away into a big puddle of shame and humility... I have never felt such unintentional and intense switch in feelings in my life ... I felt thankful .. And happy for the car i was blessed with .. I forgot about the troublesome traffic .. And took my moment to soak in the blessings .. Though tangible .. Blessings are blessings ... I dont want to take anything for granted ...i have a thankful heart ..