creation

It takes me very long to finish any art project i take up ... For instance .. I had this pot i was painting .. For the bf ..but by the time i had finished it .. He had broken up with me .. It was so easy to just pick it up and slam it down to the ground .. Watch it break .. As for some reason .. The more i could hurt or break things around me the more normal i felt .. It was REALLY difficult .. However i managed to save this pot .. The art work i think looked great for my style .. Its so easy to break things .. Doesnt even take much effort unless you wanna do it in style ! .. However creating ... Weaving .. Is so so time consuming .. I remember wanting to destroy everything during this break up .. Cutting myself .. Staying head lower than body for many hours so finally my head will explode .. Thinkin if id survived even after all this id wanna just pour acid all over my face .. So no one will ever like me. I feel terrible for having these thoughts cos iv seen how people who really go through these things are .. And its such an insult to want to voluntarily be like them .. Esp when they would have it any other way other than that .. That too.. They obviously didnt want to be in that state .. After so many years it hit me .. God has created us with so much care and effort and time ! .. And we in the spur of the moment want to throw it all away .. Thats such an insult to him .. And his creation .. Lifes gonna be tough .. Unreasonable ..however .. Remember you are God's creation .. In Him you have hope .. And even though theres darkness. . Theres light lurking there somewhere in the cracks of the dark night ..